GIRLS AREN'T FUNNY.

“My Klout score is an 83, which makes me a Thought Leader. There’s a lot of pressure to stay relevant and forward thinking, when you’re that influential. A few sub-par tweets and I could be downgraded to Specialist. I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with being a Specialist… you’re not a Specialist, are you?”

“I know you’re a complete stranger, but I’d gladly waste one of my Spotify invitations on you. Give me your number and I’ll throw in a Google+ invite. I’d put you in my ‘Babe’ Circle.”

“That gorgeous woman over there keeps looking this way, like she recognizes me or something. I do maintain a mildly successful YouTube account with over sixty subscribers, so I’m used to this sort of unwelcome attention. Are you an actress?”

“You’ve been published by The Atlantic? That’s cool. My name is frequently used as a tag on Tumblr. We have all the makings of a modern power couple.”

Read the full piece here.